how am i gonna be me without the people who make me who i am??

the more i think about leaving, the more i think about how important my friends are. my friends have seriously shaped every single thing about me. the people you surround yourself with constantly rub off on you soo much, even if you don't notice it. me and my friends are exactly the same. we have the same likes, dislikes, looks, personalities, senses of humor, and mannerisms. you pick up on little things people around you do without even noticing until it makes you like one person in the same.
i'm afraid that when i make new friends in college that same thing is going to happen, and when i come home and hang out with my high school friends, it's not going to be the same.
omgggggggggggggg

college

i can't believe i'm going to college in less than three months. i can't even begin to imagine what it's going to be like...
i'm really excited, but at the same time i am soo terrified. i'm sure i'll have fun, everyone does, but since i've never experienced it before, i just don't know what it's going to be like.
i can't believe i am sitting in my last 6th period class ever. i'll never wake up again and go to a full day of school. i just can't imagine life without school. as much as i complain about it, i love it. school isn't just to learn academics, school basically shapes your whole life. we're at school for a good majority of every day. this is where we make our friends and our enemies, we eat, we laugh, we ditch.. we have so many experiences here. it's just so weird to think that i'm never coming back.
i'm going to miss my friends so much. when i hear older people talk about how they never even talk to their high school friends anymore, i'm in shock. my friends are my entire life. i see them all day at school and i hang out with them every second i'm not in school. how can i not be with them every day? my best friends are going to Michigan, Iowa, and Florida. how can i be myself without the people who made me who i am??
ahhhhhh

graduation

omg.
this has seemed so far away for so long. how is graduation already in a week? i've watched so many other people graduate and i always thought I understood how they felt.. but i've never felt anything like this before.. it's soo weird. And we haven't even graduated yet.
wow..

cruise control

i experienced something the other day that made me think about the way people drive in america.. i ran out of gas in the middle of route 22. i put on my hazards and waved people around me, because there was really nothing else i could do, but instead of understanding that i couldn't move, most everyone who drove past me honked at me and gave me dirty looks.. one person even flicked me off. i found this ridiculous, like, unless they wanted to get out of their cars and help me push mine to a gas station, what was the big deal with driving around me? obviously i couldn't move, why would i voluntarily park my car in the middle of a busy street?
so, this made me realize how rude people are when they're protected by the aluminum armor of their cars. people think that when they're in their cars, they are invincible. like, when there are three 17-year-old girls stranded in the middle of a busy street, instead of realizing they are having problems and just being considerate by driving around them, or maybe even trying to help (omg, no way), people feel like they can be rude and obnoxious because maybe they're in a hurry, just because they are in their cars and they can drive away right after.
and this made me think about the way i drive. both of my parents are very cautious, passive-aggressive drivers, and that has always annoyed me.. which could be part of the reason i drive the way i do now. i always speed, i honk at people who get in my way or don't move fast enough for me, i yell out my window at people who piss me off.. and being in the situation of someone who is the one who pisses off other aggressive drivers made me realize that i don't want to drive like that anymore. i don't know why so many people drive like that, how big of a hurry could you actually be in? i know i'm never really in that big of a hurry when i do it to other people. i think everyone just needs to relax when they're driving. slamming on your gas and yelling at people out your window ultimately only hurts you by costing you more gas and possibly pissing off someone who could be crazy and follow you and kill you for yelling at them.
so, it might not be easy but i'm definitely going to try to remember this when i'm driving because i realized that there really is no point in driving the way i do, i just need to take a deep breath and cruise.

ahh

last night i found out that over the weekend around the corner from my house, a guy in a silver audi pretended to be a cop and pulled a girl over, handcuffed her, and tried to rape her. she ran away and he tackled her, but thankfully she ended up getting away.
this scares the crap out of me because i think buffalo grove is a high class neighborhood, and i wouldn't expect it to be a place where something like that could happen, and right around the corner of my house! this made me look back to things i've done and realize that i could have soo easily ended up in this same situation with the way i act. i am definitely going to be more careful now.
this honestly sounds like something that would happen in a movie, i can't believe this could happen right by my house. buffalo grove is my home, where i used to play on the street all night, stuff like this is not supossed to happen here.
who would expect some guy in his 20's who drives an audi in buffalo grove to do something like that??
girls be careful!

let me make my own mistakes!

while reading the article "putting teen-parent conflicts in perspective," i was amazed at how much it reminded me of my own life. the first thing that i totally related to was when the article said, "it's extremely difficult for parents today to look at a specific problem that they may have with their teenager...without seeing it as a sign of crisis..." my mom is a councler for teenagers with drug problems, so obviously she sees the signs of extreme drug use every day. i do not personally abuse drugs, but my mom is so used to looking for signs of drug use, she analyzes me constantly. for example, freshman and sophomore year, every single day after school, i came home and took a nap because i wasn't used to the tolls of high school. but junior year and this year, instead of napping after school, i go out with my friends mostly every day. but, a couple months ago i was really stressed out with school and work and i wasn't getting enough sleep, so i started napping after school again. my mom of course used her drug councling smarts to see this as a sign of extreme drug use, and started grilling me every time i walked into the house, analyzing every single thing i did and pointing it out as a sign of drug use. i understand that she was just worried about me, but i think that it's ridiculous that she would see me sleeping after school as a sign of drug use. she knows i don't get any sleep so it should make complete sense to her that i want to sleep after a long day of school. taking a nap in the middle of the day is not a sign of crisis, sorry mom.
another thing in my life that relates to the article is how my parents treat me differently because i have an older brother. since my brother messed up a lot when he was my age, my parents decide everything they allow me to do based on what he's done in the past, which i think is so unfair, because i am a completely different person. just because he acted a certain way while doing something doesn't mean if i go out and do that same thing i'm going to act the same way as him. even though we were raised by the same people, that does not make us the same person. i have my own brain.
i know my parents are a lot older than me and have been through a lot more in their lives, but they are who they are today because of the choices and mistakes they made when they were younger. so, instead of trying to protect me by not letting me live and experience things, good or bad, i wish they would just let me make my own mistakes!!

media minded

some people might deny it, because we have been so bombarded by the media ever since we were born that we don't even realize how it completely shapes our lives. but the truth is that while you might think you are thinking for yourself, you never really are. anything you ever know or think comes from something you've seen before, like an ad. one thing that the media affects dramatically is how women think of themselves. how often do you see ads with models who aren't like 5'7" and size 0? almost never, unless it's an ad for overweight people, or some kind of people that the media has taught us to think are inadequate. everything from clothing ads to food ads feature women who we are taught to see as "beautiful." so.. if you're not 5'7" and 100 pounds you're not beautiful? that's what the media is teaching women to think, and most likely why so many girls have eating disorders or other serious problems.
also, sal showed us that website with the photoshop horrors, showing how the media changes women who look like actual normal people to look absolutely perfect. changing every flaw even down to their belly buttons.. ? excessive?
people in the real world do notttt look like this!

blogging with morrie

What are some ways that Mitch values hard work, achievement, success? Is this true for you or your parents? Does this start in high school or even sooner? What ways? Is it possible to obtain a different type of success?


In the beginning of the movie, all Mitch cared about was his success in his career. He cared about it so much that he didn't leave enough room to care about his girlfriend, Jeanine, who needed him to be there for her. Not until he started talking to Morrie did he realize that life is so short, you have to really spend all of your effort caring about the things that make you happy, like love, over work. Apparently it takes you until you're that old to realize what you should have cherished while you still had it, but Mitch was lucky enough to have Morrie there when he needed him the most. When he had lost sight of what was really important in life, Morrie put everything back in perspective. I haven't seen the end of the movie yet, but I assume Mitch and Jeanine end up getting married, which proves that you can find real success outside of work. The success Mitch obtains is in love, which, without Morrie, Mitch wouldn't have realized is really the only thing that matters.

Racism in "A Bronx Tale"

The racism Collegero is exposed to in "A Bronx Tale" is brought on by the people around him. He does not seem to be racist himself, but he is surrounded by people who are, so it is probably hard for him not to be. His family is racist, his best friends are racist, and Sonny and his crew are racist. As hard as Collegero tries not to let them rub off on him, it's like being a republican in a room full of democrats. How can some of their views not sway him at least a little bit?
I think another small thing that may make Collegero a little more racist is the black people that he tries not to have any problems with, but they just assume he does. Like in the scene with Jane and her brother, Collegero really has no problem with her brother and he is trying to be nice to him, but he already has the preconcieved notion that Collegero is just like everyone else in his neighborhood, so he is mean to Collegero because he immediately assumes that Collegero is going to be mean to him, which only causes Collegero to actually be mean to him, even though he didn't actually plan to be.
Although Collegero may not actually be racist, in the day and age and neighborhood he lives in, it's almost like he doesn't have a choice.

:)

"teen drinking is very bad.. yo i got a fake id though"

in class we talked about teen drinking and how glamorized it is here only because it isn't allowed. in other countries where the drinking age is eighteen or lower, it's no big deal, and they would look at the way teenagers drink here as juvinille and embarassing. but the only reason drinking is so glamorized here by teenagers is the mere fact that it is not allowed. if it was a normal, everyday thing like brushing your teeth, it wouldn't be something to rebel against, and teenagers wouldn't feel so urged to do it. i think that the drinking age should be lower for this very reason. if teen drinking wasn't so frowned upon by society, teenagers wouldn't feel the need to get ridiculously drunk and make a big deal out of it every weekend. i agree with sal that it does make it more dangerous, the fact that teens have to hide their drinking, because if something bad should happen, the people in charge are other teenagers who don't know how to react and don't want to get caught, so they might not make the right decision to help the person in need. the only reason teen drinking is so bad, is because society makes it that way. if teen drinking was an okay thing, it probably wouldn't go to the dangerous extent that it does now.

the awkwardness of silence

i believe that most people are uncomfortable with silence, i know i am. i think the reason i am uncomfortable with silence is actually the fact that i'm uncomfortable, because that means that whoever i am with is uncomfortable, too- which makes me uncomfortable. when conversation runs out, all i can think about is what that other person is thinking about me, which i usually assume is bad, since it is silent and i know they are relying on me to create conversation, and thinking i'm weird for not having anything to say. i don't think anyone could ever actually talk too much, because i think that no conversation is bad conversation. i think in this society, most people would prefer conversation over silence. however, silences are usually only awkward with strangers. if i'm sitting in a room with my best friends completely silent, i am totally comfortable, but if i'm with strangers, i feel awkward and uncomfortable in a silence. i think people should be more comfortable with silence because it gives more time to think and be with yourself, instead of always worrying about other people.

i don't want to work because i'm a senior

I didn't want to graduate early because I didn't think I would want to miss my second semester of my senior year. But now that it's here and I'm still here, I'm regretting my decision. I have more than enough credits to graduate right now, and I already got into college, yet I'm still here. If I had graduated early, I could be working full time right now, saving up for money to spend at school next year. But instead I'm still in high school, working to get good grades to be sure I can still graduate and actually go to ISU like I'm supposed to next year. And I don't even have a job because I'm always at school, so the only time I have to apply for jobs is the time I use to hang out with my friends. So basically, I don't want to work because I'm a senior. I already got into the college I want to go to, and I don't really need to be here, so why am I?